Log in

No account? Create an account
Don "The Dragon" Wilson   
09:56pm 14/01/2009
  He's a former kickboxing world champion turned B-Movie actor. In today's installment of "Shit you don't care about", I review the movie Cybertracker 2. If you didn't see the original Cybertracker, you probably still don't give a shit. Plot spoilers here too.

But the sequel is a decent movie, despite the fact that the protagonist has the perpetual "who farted" face. The original centers around robot supercops who go apeshit and this one focuses on the surviving protagonists a few years later. Instead of being generic bald white guy like in the original, in this movie they have the technology to give them anyone's face. Basically, the plot is pretty dumb and I don't want to explain any more of it, but the action is pretty good, the car chase leaves a bit to be desired, but it's a low budget film.

So I have to tangent here and give the cons. "The Dragon" is not a great actor. He's not horrible, it's just that his character lacks, well, character. He's not a believable person. If your wife is possibly dead, you just might be freaking the fuck out, but he doesn't. The supporting actors are largely unnecessary to the plot; most notably Steve Burton, who plays another survivor and only serves to kill extras and the occasional bad guy secondary character. Also, the police are portrayed as immensely incompetent and dumb- if you see five other guys get killed by a robot after landing direct shots with their guns, you're probably not going to try and shoot it as well. If you're like me, you'll be yelling at the screen, telling the characters to stop being so one-dimensional until you realize that if you care about the plot, you're watching the wrong genre of movie.
Except some of the special effects are weak as well. The good guy cybertrackers are seriously nerfed, and mostly useless. These robots act too much like the dance we humans do. There's also this issue where you'll see vehicles blown up, which is cool, but then they're rolling in slow motion and you can clearly see there's no one inside. What? You couldn't even afford a mannequin? If done at normal speed, it wouldn't be so noticeable, but damn.
In addition, the rocket launcher is obviously not shooting rockets. During a chase scene, our hero does blow up a cop car. CONTINUITY ERROR: HE'S SECRET SERVICE. Way to not kill the good guys. He does a lot of not giving a shit about other people considering he's actually plugged his movies on Walker: Texas Ranger.

It's clearly a low budget film with no one really famous, the acting is subpar, the plot is predictable and has some holes, and the fight scenes and special effects are lacking.
Other than that it's good. It's got some good car chase shit to it, there's a lot of blowing up, a lot of gun battles, and even this one dick at the start who's shooting at the good guys and laughing like HA! [two second pause] HA! [two second pause] HA! [two second pause] HA! as he fires, while not even utilizing any cover. All the problems I found with the movie are trivial nitpicking, to be honest. If you're anal enough where that would ruin the movie for you, have a few beers and you won't care.
-people get beaten the fuck up
-people get shot the fuck up
-people get blown the fuck up
-If that's not good enough, we're no longer friends.

By the way, if you saw and liked Hackers, this movie came out the same year (1995) so it's interesting to see their take on the future. There's a VR scene which features Virtua Fighter 1 style graphics, and another with a "CG" housekeeper and well, the inconsistencies are lame, but consistent with the time. I mean, have you ever watched The Jetsons?

In other news, my house's furnace stopped working. This may be linked to a Carbon Monoxide leak. Gosh, I'm so lucky the house is so poorly insulated. 55 degree bullshit.

-{7 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

The House Bunny   
07:37pm 21/12/2008
  I might return to posting frequently, just to 'review' random shit.
And complain a lot.

I kept seeing banner ads for "The House Bunny", starring Anna Faris, and decided to check it out. The movie was produced by Happy Madison productions- Adam Sandler and his friends. How bad could it be?

Complete plot:
A playboy bunny gets kicked out of the mansion and finds a job as a house mother for some random college's misfit sorority. They lack social/boy meeting skills and she lacks intelligence, so she gives them makeovers. Another sorority tries to get their charter revoked, and fails because the girls have a tight bond. End.

So there's quite a few things I hated, presented in convenient whiny list form:
1. The girls transform from socially inept and detached to socially acceptable after getting a makeover. It's a magical transition that means, ostensibly, that one's outward appearance directly affects one's thoughts.
2. Money flows like water, inexplicably.
3. Some of the pre-makeover girls aren't that hideous. Boys don't notice them. They get makeup and water bras, and the guys are all up on that shit. And they get with these boys. Word? Moral of the story: fuck being a person, just show cleavage. Not that I like chick flicks, but I thought the point is [often] to empower women or some shit. They should've ignored the guys who ignored them before and gone for the guys who gave a shit before they turned all plastic.
4. Anna Faris plays an unbelievably dense idiot with a heart of gold. That's never been done before, especially by her.
5. None of the characters are developed. Hell, Animal House revolved entirely around parties and drinking. Bluto had a total of about four lines that weren't "Togaaaaaaaaa!" or "Boooooze!" and yet he was a distinct (though stereotypical) character. You think early on that you'll get to meet each character and figure out what they're about, but no. There's the leader-type chick, the manhater who starts liking men, and the pregnant one, and um... that one other chick... and the one with, um... Yeah.

Overall, it sells the notion that women are essentially trophies without value save for that which is given to them by men. Therefore, instead of developing intellect or a personality, they should pretty themselves up and be everyone's friend then hook up with guys who'd ignore them if they were fuggos.

There are two half-exceptions to this. One is at the end, leader-chick talks with frat boy she likes and he mentions he likes her hair when it's not all done up, which is curious seeing as how he never talked to her before she started making herself all plastic. The other is Anna Faris' love interest, played by the dude from Orange County. She tries all this bullshit ditzy shit to try and seduce him and he's actually a man, so boy-seduction doesn't work and he's just annoyed by her immaturity. Some guys like things other than sex with plastics? Wow, revolutionary thought.

So, in my defense, I expected something funny from Sandler and Faris, given all the fucking awesome shit they've done. I didn't expect this shitpile of fuck.

-{5 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

06:48pm 11/06/2008
  Last night I watched 7 kung fu movies.

I went to campus briefly to pick up some old paychecks, and was halfway expecting someone to say that my kung fu was inferior to theirs.

abre tu corazón

Perfect Warrior Blog   
04:08am 25/05/2008
  Annoying dude- he was in yet another alliance yesterday, with a new name (as predicted), and I was too lazy to send their leader a message, so I got around to it tonight. He was in still, another alliance, and apparently has loyalty ADD or something.

Garden of Gods Quest- pain in the ass. To get the trophy you had to complete it twice. This requires an extremely high ranking and a buttload of potions- 3 months worth only got me through the quest once, and I thought I had enough for a second time (less than 1/3rd of my previous stock) given that I'd upgraded to the uber-rare ultimate gear [on loan from fearless leader]. Nope.

Sarios and Loren- thanks for adding the app and saving my ass by getting me the stamina rewards.

Real life update:

Cleaning out my grandmother's place has been fun. I kept finding stuff and thinking 'I could put drugs in here' or 'this could be made into a bong' or 'this could be used to process drugs'. The irony is that I don't do drugs.

Pics to explain may follow in a few days.

abre tu corazón

Shit that pisses me off.   
03:23am 21/05/2008
  People in the world of online gaming.

Some dude starts an alliance, leaves his own alliance to go on a boss hunt, returns shortly then abandons them again and applies to join my alliance, when of course I reject him. Oh, and he'd previously left another alliance he'd created, as stated in his profile. On top of this, he owes a friend of mine about 100,000 gold in mercenary wages which he'll probably have to take by force.

full story:Collapse )

-{4 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

04:23am 20/05/2008
  Another year, come and gone. Of my faults, I've noted that seeking answers to the certain questions has caused me the most inconvenience. By the way, there's no pseudo-intelligence or depth feigned for attention here, take it at face value. To do otherwise would contradict my point.
I often find I seek answers to questions in two types of situations where they are simply not worth the time or distress.
I contradict myself in the first one, as I do not see the point of a question if the answer can serve no purpose. For me, knowledge for the sake of knowledge is some level of sophist masturbation. If one considers it recreation, then there is no issue. For me, though, there is rarely 'learning for the sake of learning'. I have never met one who studies medicine who has no intent of ever using any of their skills to aid anyone. I do not know of people learning languages, only to refuse to communicate with them. I may be a philistine, but knowledge without purpose is not truly knowledge to me. That being said, quite often in life we are plagued with questions that we can not learn the answer to.
Ask oneself instead, what there is to gain from knowing. Curiosity is natural, so of course there's always the internet. There are questions which we may never know the answer to, and if one plagues you, realize that if knowing will not benefit you, not knowing will only bother you as you allow it.
A generic example would be the creation of the world. Religion, science, cyclical time, evolution, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, all potentially valid as well as irrelevant. Now people draw faith from beliefs, which is fine, but for those who don't place value in that which lacks inherent value. [Assuming the undeniable understanding comes after no divine intervention or time-space breaches] Were I to wake up tomorrow and know the answer, I'd still proceed to take a piss, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, put on pants (maybe), and continue with my daily life.

The other scenario is when you really don't want to know the answer. This one is much easier to explain; sit down with a homophobic male and watch an episode of Maury where he has a bunch of hot chicks come out and parade around... and then it turns our half of them are men.
Although you're more aware of what's out there, bro, weren't you happier not knowing?
Hell, I can admit that I'd have taken a few of those dudes home, but that's not the point.
If your auntie is murdered in the land of crime drama reruns, you can have Gil Grissom and Nick Stokes show you the trajectory of the bullets, the make of the gun, the type of bullets used, and the blood spatter patterns of poor aunt Bertha. Knowing won't make her any less dead, and it probably won't make you feel any better.

All this isn't to say that knowledge is for fools, because ignorance is, in fact, not strength. It just serves to say that a little targeted ignorance can save a little bit of pain and hassle.

On a personal update, I should be finished with my bronchitis medications in a couple days. Whee. The inability to sleep normally is caused by one or more of the medications I'm taking, which gives me alone time with the brain. Recently, I quite often find myself asking 'what if...?' and dwelling entirely on losses as opposed to the things I'd gained, or ways to remedy the losses.
I spent my birthday doing nothing, which is all I can hope for most days. Forgive the morose tone, I just mean that a day in which I don't have to put on pants or accomplish anything is always a good day to me. Essentially, all I did today was attempt to kill my tapeworm with a combination of raw fish sushi and pickled bologna, played some computer games (I'm ranked 64th in Perfect Warrior!), talked with some friends on the phone, played with sharp objects, watched some movies, and downloaded some new music that was actually really good.

-{3 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

07:50am 12/04/2008
  Still no internet.  

abre tu corazón

I hate the news.   
10:17pm 30/03/2008
  According to Fox News, the Orange Taylor trial has been reopened. Last year, the jury was hung because there wasn't enough proof to show he killed a student at my university. They claimed he found her and just beat off.

If I break into someone's room and find a corpse, I'm definitely going to start wanking then steal some of their stuff.

Cliché as it may be, I sometimes wish the Boondock Saints were real.

-{1 fartknocker}- abre tu corazón

11:34pm 22/01/2008
  Ok. According to the status of at least 20 people on facebook, Heath Ledger died.

For the record, yes, I did have to google him to figure out who he was.
I also googled "reasons I should care that Heath Ledger died". Nada.

After removing the quotes, half of the pages contained something to the effect of '117 Malaysian children died since you started reading this article. But then again, some junkie actor's self induced death is much more tragic.'

It's the end of the day, and I somehow have a little bit of faith that the internet isn't all idiots.

-{3 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

The funny thing about getting sick.   
01:03am 06/01/2008
  Is that I was thinking of calling off the first week of school from work so they'd have some perspective of how much I do there. At some point I have to go out and get some pills since I just took the last of them. Srsly feel liek shiznit d00dz.  

abre tu corazón

Livonia Mall   
03:26pm 21/12/2007
  I highly recommend going there sometime. It's like being in an 80's ghost town. The directory is a joke since half the stores no longer exist, and about a third of the remaining stores are going out of business. The entire mall was poorly lit and outdated. The theatre looked just as I remember it ten years ago, and just added to the ambience. One of the fountains has no water in it. I wanted to get this one brand of cologne I like, and had been told there was a store that specialized in hard-to-find fragrances. 'Was', as it turns out, does not mean 'is'. There was a candy store I remember going to when I was just a little fat kid. Nope.
There's a quiet little restaurant that offers coney dogs and pizza slices for a dollar, free coffee, and hot cocoa for fifty cents. They pop machine has an 'out of order' sign on it, but I've worked in foodservice long enough to know that low volume stores do that if their stock tends to expire before it gets used. There was a middle aged couple as well as a girl about my age all working there, and a little girl who was likely the daughter of the older woman. I was there for about a half hour around noon. Not counting me, five customers for a total of about $20.
I went into a gift shop and a pushy old man, presumably the owner, insisted that I should know exactly what I'm looking for and should look more carefully and walk slower. I resisted the urge to inform him of the fact that his lack of business tact was probably a contributing factor in the decline of his enterprise. I suppose it'd be difficult enough for him to go back to working for someone else, and I'm not so disposed as to think I'm better than my fellow man. Seriously, though, even at 70% off, his prices were outrageous for the crap he was vending.
There was a card and coin show going on, and I noticed a flyer that said that it was $35 for the first table and $10 for each additional one. There were maybe three or four different vendors there, and I doubt any of them made any profit.

I wouldn't mind going back there for the cheap food, though.

-{6 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

11:24pm 18/12/2007

abre tu corazón

Kid Abelha   
08:15pm 07/11/2007
  I've seriously fallen in love with this stuff.


My favorite is "Lágrimas e Chuva" [Teardrops and Rain]
And no, that's not the official site.

abre tu corazón

Local Tax Hike   
10:37pm 07/10/2007
  On the ten o'clock news:
To help deal with the state's huge budget problem, the income tax has been increased from 3.9% to 4.35%.

A single person making $73,000 a year is looking at losing $313 more per year.

The local news interviews some local jackasses who were complaining about how they wouldn't be able to afford to go bowling and get off the streets (the reporter was in a bowling alley).

I'm just trying to figure out the tv station's demographic.

I'm looking at paying about an extra fifty cents this year. There goes that new 'Homies' figurine. I suppose that this is the true meaning of sacrifice.

-{3 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

08:47pm 07/10/2007
  I'm becoming more and more indifferent. It's the cliché story of 'same shit, different day', except that the shit seems to be accumulating.  

abre tu corazón

I hate my job.   
12:14am 19/09/2007
  I'm doing the work of three people, and getting paid next to nothing.

The only applicant for the bake shop manager position is a guy with a [two year?] culinary arts degree and absolutely no bakery experience. If he gets the job, it would be about two weeks before he started.

I was thinking of applying for the job myself, except Michigan law states that student workers can't have more than 29 hours a week. Fuck the bullshit law and fuck the union.

abre tu corazón

September 19   
08:09pm 23/08/2007
  In Michigan, there's a law stating that to move out, we have to give 30 days notice. I guess.
It might just be our landlord's way of trying to screw us out of even more money, but we might as well capitalize on the opportunity. I'll likely be moved out by the end of the month, but our 30 days does not expire until September 19th.

We plan on leaving some furniture and other junk.

The place would be empty, but habitable for around 20 days.

Check facebook for an invite, yo.

-{5 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

09:42pm 22/08/2007
  I was excited last week when I found some marijuana growing on campus, in an area for which I was the only maintainer (this summer, at least) who'd actually been on foot in the area and taken the time to look at the plants.

I told a couple friends, and showed around the picture I took. People were excited. Except maybe it was just poison oak.

Nope. Strawberry plants.


The funny part is, I don't even smoke.

-{2 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

thank you facebook   
04:34pm 15/08/2007
  So there's this one dude I used to see all around campus, and I'd talked with him a few times and he annoyed the piss out of me because he was just an asshole about everything. How did I find him on facebook? I was stalking friends and saw a wall post from some chick I remember some credible people said had herpes and looked at a picture of her boyfriend.

I believe in karma.

-{5 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón

Last night   
05:10pm 28/07/2007
  I drank way too much (after not having been drunk for six or seven months), took a batch of sleeper cell, and have a four or five hour gap in my memory.
What I do recall is hallucinating, thinking I was dying (which wasn't too far off), waking up in the fetal position on the garage floor, and having a 10 hour hangover & recoil from hell.

Other than that, I'm feeling good.

-{2 fartknockers}- abre tu corazón